Saturday, February 02, 2008

some thoughts about direction

i had to put blogging on hold for a while. i contemplated just stopping all together. i was no longer inspired by my daily commute -which is wild because it used to be the most exciting 10 miles EVER- ok that may be a slight overstatement. i also spent the last couple weeks focusing ALL my energy on something else entirely. which may or may not have included a tryst with, a job offer and a feeling of relief that i have joined the legions and now have a therapist. i didn't know how i felt about blogging anymore. i wanted to know if i had time... if i cared... if it mattered... if anyone else cared... if anyone but casali wanted to read what i was writing...

at first i kept shouting "no" to all the questions, but eventually i decided that i couldn't make up my mind so i just let it go to focus on other things. i struggle with what drive daily is supposed to be about. what the point of it is. what's worthy of posting...of spending time on....of putting in print...blah blah blah. finally, i have some answers that don't read "no" "give up" and "yes casali and murph are the only people that want to read this"......oh except for that last one. i'm pretty sure that's true. the difference is that i'm ok with that.

i started this because i wanted to create something and to share it. i worried that i would have nothing to write about so i chose a topic that centered around something i have to do everyday. frankly, i could have chosen anything. i mean floss daily may have been pushing it and sometimes i think dinner daily would have been easier -of course plenty of people already do that. the truth is that i have no great love of driving and i have often felt that i boxed myself into a topic that i have no passion for. i believe i do my best thinking in the car and i do love listening to the radio but the car is just a vehicle to me. in the past this has left me uninspired but recently it has gotten me thinking....for me the car is just a vehicle and just a means to an end, maybe drive daily is similar. maybe this blog is just my vehicle to let others know what drives me. and so, with this thought, i have let myself out of the box. the blog has never really been about my daily drive- its always been about what drives me- at least those have been the better posts. so now what once was saved for "off topic entirely" is now fair game. my guess is that no one will care except maybe murph and as long as i post casali will be ok with it, too.

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